Lost in Translation: Gweipor Tennis Court Anecdote


The tennis court in our residential compound, where I’m proving to be a sucker for humiliation each week, as viewed from our apartment balcony. In the central distant background is Guangzhou’s IFC (International Finance Centre), where Herr Hubby works at the Four Seasons hotel.

The other day on the tennis court, our coach Willis (yes, as in Bruce and who, like his Hollywood namesake, also sports a shining bald pate) kept yelling at me (in thick Cantonese accent): ” Aiyaaaa!!! (common Cantonese expression, to communicate dismay, frustration, horror) Touch yourself! TOUCH YOURSELF!!!”

Bewildered, I turn to my girlfriend Ochan: “Why the frack is Willis screaming at me about masturbation?”

Ochan, who had been taking tennis lessons with Willis for about half a year and was familiar with his funny foibles, said: “He means you should be following through.”

From “touch yourself” to “follow through”…I mean, what the whaaa? Ochan must have read the expression on my face declaring, “I’m not connecting the dots here!” because a further explanation from her then clarified things. Immensely.

Apparently, what Willis meant was that upon making contact with the ball, my tennis racquet should then go all the way back, such that it should be touching me in the back, which is what he insists is perfect form for a follow-through. My shots were always falling short because indeed, I wasn’t “touching myself” enough!
Hahahaaaa!!!

Stiletto-istas, tennis, anyone???

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